Behind Closed Doors
by Dream4aSleepyZombie
Summary: Exactly what happens in that elevator after the dust settled?
1. Chapter 1

**To all my Bones readers wondering why I'm posting this instead of another CTB chapter, I just needed to pull focus and write something else for a bit, I'm going back to work on CTB now.  
**

**Disclaimer – I don't own any of the characters you recognize, nor do I make a single darn cent from this little tale.**

**A/N – Enjoy and please review.**

* * *

Tony grumbled to himself as if waking from a deep sleep, it was dark and the distinct smell of dust filled his nostrils. He lay for a moment as reality came flooding back and then it hit him.

"Ziva?"

No response, but the sudden realization that the warm and somewhat soft body of his partner was pressed against his chest occurred to him and he felt his pulse increase.

"Zee… Ziva… are you awake?"

He laid a gentle hand on her shoulder and rocked her as he moved to sit up slightly.

"Ziva come on wake up."

Her low moan was music to his ears and he couldn't help the brief smile that took over his lips.

"Are you hurt, can you move?"

She shifted beside him and he wondered what her condition was.

"Tony I… what happened I…"

His warm hand against her stayed put, he was unwilling to break their connection; at least not for the moment.

"I think… I think the bomb went off."

She sat up and he heard her wince.

"Wha… what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

Ziva shook her head still in a daze and unaware her partner couldn't see her.

"Ziva?"

"Hmm, no I… I am fine Tony, are you injured?"

He had felt briefly for injury but so far seemed fine.

"I think I'm alright, I mean I don't feel hurt."

Tony eased himself into a more comfortable position amongst the rubble and sighed.

"Ton… Tony I cannot see I…"

He reached out for her and found what he thought to be her thigh, she was shaking and it scared him.

"It's ok, it's just dark, there's no light so…"

He heard her sharp intake of breath, her pulse rapid and as she clamped her own hand around his, he felt how clammy she was.

"I need to see… Tony I need to see."

He frowned slightly at her panic, she was normally so unflappable and then it occurred to him that this was not the first time his stoic partner had been trapped in a small prison in complete darkness and he kicked himself for not thinking about it earlier.

"Ok, ok umm… alright hang on Zee."

He didn't release her hand but fumbled in his pocket for that allusive cell phone. Latching onto it he pulled it free and hoped for the best as he flipped the cover and it illuminated the destroyed elevator with a dull glow.

He heard her calm a little and was pleased he'd been able to help ease some of her anxiety.

"Better?"

He watched her nod and move to sit back beside him, their backs to the wall of the lift.

Tony slowly waved the cell through the air, trying to check their surrounds for a possible escape route, but what he found instead was the bleeding gash to his best friend's forehead.

"Ziva your head?"

She reached up to touch it, but her hand was pushed away.

"No, you'll get it dirty."

He moved up onto his knees and removed his jacket, tearing at the inside lining until a strip of material came free.

"Here… hold still."

He folded it over slightly and dabbed at the sticky red substance oozing from her head wound.

"Ouch!"

He smiled at her whine and the way her temple pressed to his chest.

"Sorry."

She furrowed her brow slightly and raised her hand again in instinct to judge the extent of her injuries.

"Is it bad?"

Tony looked to her forehead again and winced, it looked painful and he had no doubt she would have a headache, but he thought she'd be fine.

"You'll live, but you'll be needing a few Advil later."

He sat back down and looked to his phone.

"Ok let's see."

She looked across at him, her dark eyes showing her fear.

"What are you doing Tony?"

He smiled reassuringly.

"Well I was gonna see if I could call out, but I don't have much of a signal."

He scrolled for Gibbs number anyway and hit send, waiting for a ring tone and surprised to find it was answered.

"DiNozzo?"

"Boss?"

"DiNozzo where are you?"

"Umm well… I'm guessing somewhere between level three and the ground floor."

"Wha… Tony? What the hell are you talkin about?"

Tony winced.

"Well… we're in the elevator Boss, we're tra…"

"The eleva… why the hell are you in the elevator, you know there's rules about using the stairs only, in emergencies for a reason DiNozzo, who's with you?"

"Ziva's here Boss."

"I thought she would have had more sense."

Tony frowned.

"We just didn't think Boss, it was…"

"No you didn't, what about McGee?"

Tony frowned.

"No I thought… we thought he was out, it's just us."

Tony could hear the concern in his boss' voice and he had to admit he was also worried but at the moment his real concern lay with the fragile state of his partner.

"Ok, are you hurt?"

Tony looked to his partner again as she dropped her head back and sighed, her shaky hands running over her face.

"Ziva has a cut on her forehead but nothing life threatening I don't think, but Boss… we need to get outta here, it…it brings back memories."

Silence reined for a moment and Tony knew his boss got the message loud and clear.

"Sit tight DiNozzo, just sit tight."

* * *

After half an hour of 'sitting tight', Ziva made a move to stand.

"Wha… whatta you doing, stay down."

He reached out for her, but she shook him off.

"I… I cannot I need to get… we need to get out of here Tony, I… I cannot just sit here like a bird in a cage."

"Well technically birds don't actually sit in their ca…"

The look on her face told him this was not the time to correct her or make jokes; despite the fact it was his way of coping.

"Tony we need to find a way out, I cannot just do nothing."

She crawled toward the metal doors, moving the plasterboard that was once part of the roof out of the way.

"I need to do something, need to find a way out, have to… ahh."

She jolted back moving her hand up and revealing the now bloodied palm.

"No we need to just wait!"

He moved to pull her back, but she fought against him.

"NO!"

He stopped at her shrill tone and saw exactly how frightened she was.

"Ziva…"

His voice was soft and calm; he hoped to calm her also.

"We need to just sit, we don't have much light and the lift might not be stable, we can't just blunder about..."

She turned back to him with an almost scowl.

"So what Tony? What do you suggest we do? Nothing?"

The light on his phone died out again and he heard her harsh intake of breath, he pressed the send button and watched it re-ignite; now wishing he'd gotten the torch fixed after dropping the cell a few weeks back.

"Yeah Ziva, we just sit… and we wait."

The look on her face almost broke his heart, she was struggling, she knew it and he knew it. Ziva had a real problem with small enclosed spaces since Somalia, she wasn't so fond of the dark either and her reaction to being restrained now was far more violent than before spending months in a windowless cell, bound, gagged and blinded. Despite the pain, she had often welcomed the beatings and abuse because she was always moved to lightened cell. Somalia had broken her, it had shown her she wasn't as invincible as she once thought, she had been shaken to the core and had her very foundation changed.

Taking her hand he guided her back to his side and handed her his cell, knowing the constant requirement of needing to illuminate the room would give her some focus; at least until the battery died.

They sat quietly for a while the only sound was the rhythm of their own breaths and creaking of tense metal in the elevator shaft.

"Tony?"

He looked over at her; she was completely focused on the cell's screen.

"Hmm?"

She turned her head, her expression reminding him of a lost child.

"How long do you think we'll be in here?"

It was that million dollar question the one without an answer; well at least not an answer he could predict.

"I dunno Ziva, guess it depends how much damage was done outside."

She nodded weakly and went back to watching the screen.

"Tony?"

Her voice was soft and very un-Ziva like.

"Yeah."

"We will get out though? Won't we?"

He squeezed her hand tightly and nodded.

"Yeah… we'll get out; we just need to stay calm."

* * *

The cell buzzed and in surprise she dropped it, scooping it up she answered.

"Hello?"

"Ziva? It's Gibbs."

She nodded forgetting he couldn't see her.

"Ziva?"

"Ye… Yes, are you coming, are we going to get out of here soon?"

Gibbs heard his agent's fear and he silently cursed Dearing and his bomb.

"Emergency crews are working on it, is DiNozzo there?"

She handed the phone over without a second thought, merely lost in her own thoughts again.

"Boss?"

"How's she doing?"

Tony looked at his partner again and wished he could take away her troubles.

"It's ok Boss, but we really…"

"Yeah they're working on it."

Tony nodded.

"Tell them to hurry?"

Gibbs heard the plea and looked up to the sky, he and Abby had been lucky enough to be able to climb out the window after the explosion, he knew that freedom was priority for the ex-Mossad officer now trapped.

"Look after her DiNozzo."

"Will do Boss."

The line went dead again and he handed her the cell once more.

"Boss says they're on their way, hopefully it won't be too much longer."

She nodded but she was unfocused and possibly unhearing.

* * *

Time passed slowly, neither sure what to say and both focused on their own thoughts, although granted most of Tony's thoughts revolved around how to help Ziva when the light ultimately disappeared.

_She didn't know how long she'd been unconscious for, minutes, hours, days, there were no windows now sounds from outside, no way to know what time of day or night it was. They would be back soon, back to tie her up again and put the sack over her head, back to beat her, yell at her and make her believe she would take her final breaths this time._

_She gulped at the few mouthfuls of dirty water in the bowl and ate the stale bread quickly; sometimes it was hours between meals, sometimes days but it was always the same dirty water and stale bread. She forgotten what anything else tasted like and they knew what torture it was to see them come into her cell eating lashings of braised meats and fresh flat breads or sorghum in milk._

"Ziva?"

He watched as she rocked herself slightly side to side but didn't respond.

"Ziva?"

Her head whipped around to face her partner.

"Yes?"

He paused a moment seeing her eyes wide and telling, her silence spoke for her, told of where she had been, her day dreams were commonplace now, they were all used to it, but she still tried to hide it.

"Sorry I was thinking about… Dearing."

He nodded and pretended he believed her, one day they would talk.

"What about him?"

She leaned back against the wall and pressed the button as the light dimmed again.

"Do you think we'll catch him?"

The light dimmed again.

"Yeah."

She pressed the button again and he felt her hand tighten around his, he shifted close to her, knowing hell was possibly about to break lose.

"It's ok Ziva, its o…"

"No the light… Tony the light…"

It dimmed again and then it was gone and no amount of her pressing the buttons was going to make it return.

"It's ok just…"

"We need the light, how can we see wit…"

His arm moved around her shoulders and pulled her closer still, her torso moving in against his own, he could feel her heart beat pounding against his chest and his hatred for Saleem rose, his hatred Malachi, his hatred for her father it all surfaced once more.

"Just breathe Ziva, breathe it'll be ok, our…"

She pulled away, struggling, panicking, she was up, on her feet and stumbling, he reached for her blindly and missed. The elevator creaked loudly and shuddered; he swallowed and swiped the air for her again.

"We need to get out, we need to escape!"

"Ziva!"

He missed her and edged out a little.

"Tony I… I cannot breathe, it is too dark, I need…"

He made contact with her arm and pulled her roughly back down, she landed with a thud against his chest, her side to his torso, her body between his spread knees, cradled; warm, safe and secure.

"Shhh, just breathe, shhh."

Her hands fought him for only a minute, he didn't release, held her tighter, swaddled her in his own presence and flooded with relief as she calmed.

"That's it, shhh, I gotcha, I'm right here, it's ok."

The sound of his steady heart beat against her ear dulled the rushing of blood in her mind, his warmth soothed the cold fear that accompanied her each time she went back to that cell and the comfort his arms brought her was unlike anything she'd felt since the day he helped her walk out of her prison.

"Tony I… I…"

His fingers stroked her hair, his palm to her cheek anchoring her and helping her keep her connection with reality.

"Shhh, it's gonna be ok."

She flinched and turned further into his torso.

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"I didn't know I was number one on your speed dial?"

He chuckled and pressed his cheek to her crown.

"Most important person goes first Ziva."

She sighed, for some reason his words offered her great comfort and allowed her a little clarity in her addled mind.

* * *

Ziva woke to slow steady heartbeat of her partner beneath her ear, his arms wrapped around her body and his gentle fingers tangled in her hair. She smiled as she felt soft kiss upon her head and she guessed it wasn't the first he'd dropped.

"I'm right here Zee, I'm not leaving, it's ok… I'm right here Baby, I'm not leaving."

She listened to his mantra over and over and felt his words deep inside, she lay quietly, not wanting his voice stop; as he lay another kiss on her she realized it was another thing she wanted to continue and while he was with her, speaking to her, she could handle the darkness the memories and nightmares were kept at bay and she was safe.

"It's ok, I'm right here, I'm not leaving."

His fingers caressed her scalp, relaxing her and making her sleepy again.

"Tony?"

He stilled and spoke to answer her whisper.

"Right here Ziva."

He felt her nod against his chest, it was different to the tossing and turning she'd been doing in the last hour or so, he'd tried to soothe her, allowing her to sleep through the never ending darkness of their prison.

She fisted his shirt at his waist a little further and he felt it tighten, knowing she was holding onto him and reassuring herself she wasn't alone.

"I hate the darkness."

He tilted his head and widened his eyes, her whispered confession catching him by surprise, he held her a little tighter.

"I know."

She listened to his heartbeat again, taking the strength it offered her.

"I never used to be afraid… but after… after Saleem."

He dropped another kiss to her crown.

"It's ok."

She took a breath realizing how much easier it was to breathe encircled in his arms, she wondered if his embrace would have the same effect when she woke screaming in the middle of night, soaked in her own sweat and tears and unable to stop the trembling until the sun rose again.

"Director Vance said I was damaged goods."

Tony growled and had sudden urge and desire to beat their director into a bloody pulp.

"You're not damaged Zee…

She shook her head.

"No I think I am, I…"

"You're not damaged, you've just changed… there's a difference, but you're still you, still my kick ass ninja, still the crazy chick who sits at her desk screaming at her computer in… God knows what language, you're still that intimidating assassin that insists on sitting behind me at my desk filing your nails with your giant knife… we really need to talk about that… but you're still you and you're _not_ damaged, I promise."

He felt her shake her head slightly and waited for her next utterance.

"I… I cannot sleep, not without the pills."

Tony frowned and wished he could see her face though he doubted she'd be confessing if she thought he could see her, despite her fear of it the darkness was offering her a safety net to vent and he was so glad he was right beside her for it.

"I didn't know you were still taking sleeping pills?"

"No… I am not."

It hit him suddenly, he understood now why she always looked so tired, why she never wanted to go out after work, she always had an excuse.

"Ziva I… I don't know exactly what happened to you in Somalia, but I can guess and I'm pretty sure problems sleeping would be a normal reaction to any kind of torture."

"Yes, but I have been tortured before."

His fingers stilled in her hair and took a moment.

"Yeah, but this time was different."

She had to admit this time was different, torture in itself is brutal, but this time; Saleem and his men didn't just physically assault her they mentally and emotionally abused her, sexually humiliated her and they took pleasure in degrading her every day, she had all but given up, she was ready to die and was simply waiting for her body to give up.

He felt her pull herself closer to his body and he felt her shiver.

"Cold?"

She shook her head and he had his answer, wrapping his arms tighter around her and bringing his knees up toward his chest to encircle her and increase contact.

"Better?"

She nodded and he smiled, still somewhat surprised she was allowing him in like this; he dreaded what would happen when those elevator doors opened. He feared she'd be out and things would be awkward between them or she'd shut him out completely.

"I… thought of you every day. When… whenever they came in to me and… and did those things… I thought of you, you saved me every day Tony… They… they took everything I had, but… they could not take you, you were so strong in my mind… I saw you, your smile, your eyes, I heard your stupid jokes, felt your shoulder bump into mine."

Tony smiled as he listened to her continue, her admissions filling his heart and soul, giving him hope for the future, a future he imagined with her, when she was ready.

* * *

**And that's it, I thought about continuing it but…**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N - Ok after all the requests here it is after being re-written more times than I can count.**

**Disclaimer – You know the drill.**

* * *

Tony had stayed with her right up until he was told to wait outside her room at the hospital. He had protested, but the rules seemed unbendable today and while pacing the hall a nurse had alerted him to the fact the back of his shirt was covered with dried blood that no doubt came from him.

He had been taken into a room next door to Ziva's and the nurse patched him up; a small wound requiring three stitches and a dressing that would need changing daily to prevent infection, luckily the nurse wrote it all down, because he hadn't heard a word she said, being too focused on what was happening next door.

He'd moved back to the hall and continued pacing only to find out that while he was being tended to, his best friend had left the hospital against medical advice.

Now after searching everywhere for his apparently invisible ninja, he decided it was time to go home, she obviously didn't want to be found, perhaps she had left him a message on his machine.

Walking up the stairs in favor of the elevator, he felt her long before he saw her, looking to his apartment door he smiled.

"Ziva?"

She looked up tiredly and forced a smile.

"Tony."

Holding his hand out to help her out of her slumped position, he pulled her up, wincing slightly at the pull on his newly stitched back.

"I've been looking for you everywhere… well I thought I'd looked everywhere, I didn't figure about coming home."

She merely stared at him before dropping her eyes.

"I am sorry I jumped out on you."

He frowned for a second before getting himself into Ziva mode and smiled.

"Oh, no you skipped out and… that's ok."

He looked her up and down, silently assessing her wellbeing.

"How's your head?"

She raised her eyes to him and shrugged.

"I will live, I have had much worse."

Tony bent and removed his spare key from under the mat and stood up to full height again.

"Yeah, wanna come in… have some coffee?"

He slid the key into the lock and opened the door, ushering her in without waiting to hear her answer.

"I would prefer tea if you ha…"

"Yup got the ginger one?"

She smiled softly at the memory of telling him he should put ginger tea on his shopping list; that was before though, before Ray, before Somalia, before Rivkin, before Tony's place stopped being her favorite place.

As she stepped into the living room, she looked around, it was still the same, still looked and smelled like she remembered and suddenly she was glad to be back, she had often wondered if she would ever return here.

Tony walked out of the kitchen waving the menu list for Frankie's pizzeria.

"You hungry Ziva?... I'm thinkin pizza?"

She wasn't overly hungry, but it would be an excuse to stay longer and so she accepted it.

"Yes, but please do not put those little fish... the umm… sardines? On it"

She watched him chuckle and she knew she'd got it wrong.

"Anchovies... right no anchovies copy that."

He wandered off to call the delivery guy and make her tea and his coffee, it had been a long day and half the night.

* * *

Standing in the living room she scanned his DVD collection, it seemed it had almost doubled since she was last here, he also had more books; what stood out most was her favorite author lining the shelves and a few Hebrew language books.

His voice pulled her back from her musings.

"Ok… pizza is ordered and here is your tea, wanna watch a movie?"

She smiled.

"Ye… Yes but… Do you think I could shower? I have not been home yet and…"

He nodded as he took in her still dusty pants and jacket and then his own clothing in a similar state.

"Yeah sure, I'll get you some sweats and a shirt to change into? You can go first"

He returned with a pair of well-worn grey sweat pants and a red skins tee, she'd worn before.

"Is this enough?"

Taking the items from him she smiled.

"It will be fine thank you."

She wandered off toward the bathroom feeling an old routine slip into place.

* * *

Tony heard the door of the bathroom close and he strained to hear if she'd lock it too, he smiled after a moment of waiting, pleased she still felt safe enough to let it remain unlocked.

He knew that when she looked around she would see things had not changed, her tooth brush was still in the top drawer accompanied by various colors of her hair ties and her comb, her shower gel still sat in the recess of the wall where the soap and shampoo lived, in the medicine cabinet on the wall she would find her face cream and in the cupboard under the sink she would find her half empty bottle of leave in conditioner, which he guessed after her shower she would be needing it.

It suddenly occurred to him that she could take these series of 'non changes' in his life one of two ways, firstly she could find it comforting that some things stay the same that he hadn't forgotten her simply because she wasn't there or she could find it creepy that even after so long of her not being around he held onto her things, either way he guessed time would tell.

The pizza arrived and he freshened up her tea when he heard the shower being turned off, it wouldn't be long now and she would come out and he would have his answer.

He placed the pizza boxes on the coffee table in lounge room and added two plates and some paper napkins, he grabbed a few DVD's deciding she could pick while he was showering and dimmed the lights.

"Pizza arrived already?"

He spun at the sound of her voice and smiled seeing her all fresh faced and make up free. His clothing was miles too big on her, swamped her in fact and looked absolutely adorable.

"Yup, just before you got out."

He looked to her hands that were holding her soiled clothing.

"Oh hey, you wanna put them in the washing machine?"

"Yes, I should wait for your clothes too yes?"

He smiled, it wasn't the first time they'd done their laundry together, but for some reason it felt a little more intimate this time round.

"Ah, yeah, just put your stuff in and I'll add mine when I come out."

She nodded heading to the laundry while he went to take his shower.

"Oh and your tea is in the kitchen, I added some more hot water."

She looked up as he called from his room and nodded.

"Thank you Tony."

* * *

Ziva took her tea from the kitchen bench and went back into the living room, despite not being hungry the pizza did smell good and she knew that when he put a plateful on her lap, she would eat it.

Seeing his laptop on the desk against the wall, she thought she could kill a little time by checking her email. Sitting down on the chair she opened the lid and pressed the power button, waiting for it to come to life. She wondered if he had changed his password and when the request came through, typed in _Bond James Bond._ She smiled as she was accepted and the desk top opened up, connecting to the internet was easily done and she smiled at the fact he still had her email icon up and she was about to click on it when something else grabbed her attention in the bottom of the screen.

Moving the mouse she clicked on the folder titled 'Eli' and watched it open up to a saved email from her father. Frowning she noted the email was sent to Tony just before she was made a probationary agent. She read her father's words to Tony, blaming him for the fact she no longer held a position with her family, telling him that Mossad would get back their officer, her father blamed him for the fact she would now be cut off, he insinuated it was Tony's fault she had no home to return to and that Gibbs and NCIS would be sorry in the long run for bringing an assassin into their mix as more than a liaison officer. She continued reading and noted that Tony had replied and saved the email.

_Ziva made the decision to cut ties with Mossad, I didn't make that choice for her, but I won't deny it makes me happy to know she'll never have to do your bidding again._

_What type of father sends his daughter to a monster like Saleem? What type of father instils such fear in his daughter that she's too scared to return home without fulfilling her mission and instead chooses to go into a battle she knows she can't win alone? What type of father leaves his daughter to be abused and tortured and does nothing about it?_

_Ziva's home is here now and it always will be, she has a family that she's a part of and who will search the ends of the earth for her when she's missing, she belongs here and I won't let you take that away from her and I won't let you take her away from us, so from now on leave her alone, I won't let you hurt her, not again, not like you always do._

_Stay away from Ziva._

Wiping the tears from her eyes Ziva read through Tony's email again, she couldn't believe his words to her father, she was both humbled and amazed by his fierce loyalty to her, it bewildered her somewhat that he would defend her after all she had said had done, in the past she had done far less to her blood family and they treated her as if she then owed them, but Tony; she had pointed a gun in his face and still he comes to her defense.

She heard the bathroom door open and wondered how long she had been staring at the letters, closing the file she opened her email and saw a single message from her Aunt Nettie, she opened it and smiled at the one remaining relative still willing to speak with her.

"Hey? You haven't eaten anything yet?"

Looking up at him she smiled.

"No I… I wanted to wait and I thought…"

She looked to the computer and pointed, before realizing he may not appreciate the fact she simply jumped onto what some people consider their diary.

"I just… I was looking at my email."

Tony nodded, he wasn't fazed, he had no secrets from her, not any more, he was done keeping secrets they led to pain and nothing good.

"And how is everything in Ziva land"

She frowned a moment as his meaning sunk in.

"Oh… fine, my Aunt Nettie is going to Hadera next week, she has a friend who… lives there."

Tony furrowed his brow at his partner and tilted his head, something was off with her, she was acting tense or perhaps guiltily.

"Zee… is something wrong?"

She feigned innocence.

"Wha… no everything is fine I just… I'm a little tired, maybe I…"

"Zee?"

Ziva closed her email and sighed.

"I… I saw the letters between you and my father."

Walking closer to her he nodded, he had actually forgotten the emails were still there and had only kept them because he didn't trust her father not to use his response against him somehow.

"I see… and now you're mad at me?"

Ziva frowned.

"Mad? Wha… no I… I'm grateful… to… to have you on my side."

He nodded trying to understand her odd behavior.

"Just like always Ziva."

"Yes, like always."

They both moved to the couch and sat down, each of them at an end with a little more than half a cushion between them.

Tony plated up a few slices of pizza and handed her the meal.

"Eat."

She smiled and took the plate, bringing her feet up and crossing her legs lotus style on the couch. She smiled as he handed her the tea from the table too, to save her having to lean forward to get it.

"Thank you."

"Did you pick a movie?"

She looked up watching him pull apart the meat covered pizza, fighting with the stringy cheese that wanted to come off every other slice too.

"Oh I… no I forgot, but I do not mind, you can choose."

He nodded but stayed in his seat.

"Right, well let's eat first."

He took his first bite, his stomach had been rumbling for the past few hours and he was loathe to make it wait any longer, beginning to feel sick and light headed.

The first half of their meal was consumed in comfortable silence, he gorged and she picked, mostly sipping at her tea the second half of the meal he couldn't take it any longer, he needed to know what was going on in her mind.

Placing his plate on the table he turned to her and raised his brows.

"You gonna tell me what's buggin you?"

She looked up somewhat confused.

"Excuse me?"

"Buggin you, eating you up, what's on your mind Ziva?"

She stared at him for a few moments, unsure of where to start or if she wanted to.

"I am f…"

Tony held his hand up, he hated that word 'fine', everything was always fine when it really wasn't.

"No you're not… talk to me Sweetcheeks."

She sighed, trying to hide her small smile at the moniker and dropped the piece of bell pepper between her fingers. They sat in silence while she tried to come up with something to say, a way to initiate what was occupying her thoughts.

"Zee?"

With complete eye contact she spoke.

"I… I do not know what to say Tony."

He nodded.

"Ok, well how about I ask the questions and you give me honest answers?"

She placed her plate on the table and nodded.

"Very well."

Tony's pulse was racing, if she indeed answered honestly and didn't clam up, he would be able to have that deep and telling talk he'd been wanting to have with her since they pulled her out of Somalia.

"Ok… well firstly how are you really feeling?"

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment.

"I am ok, I have some bruises but nothing that will not heal and I have a headache."

He nodded and thought carefully about his next question, he figured slow and steady was the aim, if he jumped right in and asked her the hard stuff, she close up and he'd probably never get another opportunity like this again.

"In the elevator… you… you seemed more than a little uncomfortable with the dark, how long have you been like that?"

She swallowed visibly and he braced himself.

"You are correct; I am not as comfortable in the dark as I once was, since my time in Saleem's camp I find darkness makes me uneasy as does being enclosed in small spaces, but…"

She looked up and searched his eyes and his expression for any notion that he was pitying her, but all she saw was kindness, understanding and his desire for her to go on.

"Having you there, with me… it made things easier Tony."

He reached out and took her hand gently in his, urging her to continue looking at him instead of away.

"You have nightmares?"

She nodded and he queried her.

"About Saleem?"

Again she nodded.

"Yes and his men and my father… he… he knew I was there Tony, he knew and yet he did nothing… in my dreams my father watches as Saleem… as he beats me, I call out for him to save me but… he turns his back."

Tony felt bad for her, her father's lack of care obviously hurt her more than she let on, he wished he could take that pain away from her, but he knew the most he could do was listen to her heartache.

"Why haven't you said anything before?"

She sighed.

"I do not need for you or Gibbs to feel like you have to protect me, I do not want for Director Vance to think I cannot be a fully functioning agent for NCIS, I passed my psych tests and…"

He shook his head.

"Just because you pass Ziva doesn't mean you can forget what happened or change how you feel."

She looked up at him with her big brown eyes and he was disheartened to see them welling with water, with one firm pull she was in his arms, her face pressed to his chest and his shirt becoming more damp by the second.

"I'm just so tired Tony, so tired of trying to forget, it… it hurts so much and I… I feel like I cannot breathe."

He held her tightly, unconsciously rocking them both as he cooed to her softly, just like he had done in the elevator.

"It's ok, It's gonna be ok, I'm right here, it's ok."

* * *

When Tony awoke the digital display on the TV read four fourteen, he slept for six hours straight and was momentarily confused as to why he was awake at all.

It was his partners hitched breathing that alerted him to all not being well; she flinched and then whimpered, tossing her head to the side and whimpering again.

"Hey Ziva?"

He whispered quietly not wanting to startle her, she didn't react, simply flinched again and tensed in his arms.

"Hmm no."

He watched her furrowed brow wrinkle further and allowed his fingers to caress her bare arm.

"No, let go!"

"Zee? Shhh it's alright, you're safe."

She tossed again and rolled in toward his chest further, seeking comfort possibly or maybe shelter from the storm she was weathering in her dreams.

"I'm right here, it's ok."

She flinched and again, inhaled sharply and then she was awake. Tony's fingers running through her still damp hair and rocking her once again. She found her pulse plateaued faster than normal, she wasn't trembling and she was able to breathe through any panic she was still feeling.

"Tony?"

"Yeah, it's ok, just a dream."

He felt her nod and smiled as she curled into his side.

"Wanna talk about it."

She tucked her bare toes under his thigh and pulled at an invisible thread on her borrowed sweats, she was silent for a long while and then the gates were opened.

"Our mission was to kill Saleem; at all costs, but after we got off the Damocles Malachi was injured and… I knew my father's wishes and so I had to go on alone, I did not plan on surviving…"

To say Tony was shocked by the fact she was talking was an understatement but he would not interrupt.

"I got a driver and his body guard to take me to Saleem's camp but I had to kill them, I could not risk them alerting anyone to my presence… I got so far Tony, mainly undetected but those who did see me died quickly. I knew Saleem would be in the center room and that was my only focus, I was at the final passage way and walked into a group of Saleem's men, I fought but I was over powered, I moved to slit my throat but was held back they bound me and beat me, when I came to, I was in a cell tied to a chair, Saleem standing over me…"

Tony rubbed what he hoped were comforting circles on her back, she had put weight back on in the last few years but she was still more slender than she used to be.

"He drugged me, told me it was truth serum, I resisted, in Mossad we are trained to overcome the effects of sodium pentothal, it… was not easy and my ability to resist angered him they got lengths of hose and beat the soles of my feet and my ankles the pain was… I had never experienced such pain, I could feel the bone chipping away but I refused to beg, I could not give them satisfaction…"

Tony thought back to the day he and McGee helped her out of that hell hole they had bared most of her weight; what little there was, but he had thought her limping was due to the fact she was just weak the idea her feet were actually injured didn't occur to him.

"I eventually passed out. He came in everyday and asked me the same questions; he made me wish I was dead. I… I think he realized after a while I would not talk and so he kept me alive to… entertain himself and his men..."

She fell silent and he knew she was gathering her thoughts.

"I woke up one day, I do not what time it was, I lost track, but I was bound and… they had a bag over my head, I… I could feel the cool air against my skin… all of my skin and then the searing pain inside me, I do not know how many there were, I could hear them laughing and saying things, calling me names, but the pain…"

A single tear rolled down her cheek and she closed her eyes as he wiped it away with a gentle thumb.

"It's not your fault."

He watched her nod.

"Sometimes it got too much and I would pass out, but they would stop and bring me back with ice water, when I was fully conscious again they would start over, I prayed Tony but this was my punishment, I had failed my mission, failed my father and hurt so many people."

Her eyes looking into his, showed her meaning and as he ran his thumb over her teeth marred lower lip, she felt more salt water escape the confines of her eyes and lowered her eyes somewhat shamefully.

"No you weren't being punished, you did nothing wrong, you got captured by the worst kinds of human beings and now… now they're all dead Ziva and you survived and you are so much stronger because you survived and I… I am so glad you did, as for your father… he failed you Zee, he failed you in every way there is for a father to fail a daughter; for a human to fail another human, you owe him nothing and he owes you everything."

He listened to the sound of her sniffles and felt his heart break for her.

"They told me no one would come that I would die slowly and alone, I tried to have hope, I thought my father would send a team to extract me, I thought when Malachi told my father I had gone on alone that he would send someone but… after a while I believed them, I was ready to die Tony and then… then you… and McGee, I thought it was a dream… I thought I had died."

In an instinctual reaction Tony pulled her up onto his lap, his arms around her thin frame, her face buried in his neck; he didn't think for a second she would stay there, he thought for sure she would struggle and move away, but it seemed his Israeli ninja was full of surprises tonight.

"Wanna hear something ironic?"

She looked up with blurred vision and red rimmed eyes, she nodded.

"When I saw you, when Saleem brought you in and uncovered your head…"

He looked down into her eyes and smiled, reaching up he stroked back a stray few strands of hair from her face.

"I thought I had died too, I thought that was the only way I was going to see your face again…"

He watched her lips curve up into a soft smile.

"… and when you spoke I… I felt my heart almost jump out of my chest, I was so happy, so relieved… to finally see you again, it was like all my dreams had come true…"

He cupped her cheek in his palm and smiled.

"… in that moment I thought there had to be a God, because there was no way I was that lucky, but… there you were and you… you look so beautiful Ziva, I knew in that split second that everything was going to be ok that we were going to get out that we'd be going home."

He watched as her face crumbled and she crashed against him, her cries coming hard and fast, her hands fisting his shirt as she clung to him tightly and poured her heart out, poured her hurt and anger out and released the weight of the past she'd been carrying.

He held her for hours, listening to the sound of her finally accepting what she'd been through, finally opening the door to the possibility of moving forward and being able to heal.

As her cries subsided and she gained some semblance of control, she stayed in his arms, drawing on his strength and his acceptance of her, basking in his unrelenting support and friendship.

"Tony I…"

He smiled and hushed her.

"Sleep now…We'll talk about it in the morning."

**That's it, no more **** please, please, please review, favourites and alerts are great, but reviews are really like icing on the cake for writer, even if you just send through a smiley face, we loved to see the review number go up.**


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